The pressure of success
You’ve done well. People love you, and some even hate you (which probably means you’re doing something right.)
So why do you feel so depressed? Why do you have a sense of anxiety and foreboding that something bad is going to happen?
The trouble with success, and more importantly, reputation, is that they are hard to live up to.
People see what you have done, and what you have said. They see how you have reacted, and admired your calmness within the storm.
But now you feel they expect it from you all the time. You can’t have a bad day because that’s not supposed to be you. If you get angry over something, you get admonished for doing so, in spite of the fact others (especially those telling you off) are doing the exact same thing. The hypocrisy can be frustrating.
Once you’ve set a certain standard, the pressure is on to not only maintain it, but improve it.
But you know that’s just not feasible. Somewhere along the line, you are going to fail, let everyone down and they might decide that you were deceiving them all along.
We you being fake? We you pulling the wool over other’s eyes? Did you go out of your way to deceive anyone?
However, there is much more to you than this one aspect. You are not just a one dimensional Mary Sue type person.
You have your own fears, doubts, bad days and down cycles.
That’s what makes you feel so down and anxious. You don’t feel you can be yourself on those levels, and not have all hell break loose.
Moments of brilliance are sometimes more the exception than the rule, and when you fail to deliver, your followers descend on you like sharks in a feeding frenzy over bloodied meat.
They may accuse you of being lazy, selling out, ripping off those following. They will accuse you of motives that you never in your wildest dreams imagined.
But is it so? In most cases: no.
It’s not possible to be perfect all the time. You can’t give everyone what they want all of the time.
This is a very severe type of depression, because it is insidious, and you won’t even know why you are feeling the way you are, just that you are feeling it.
Taoism states: After great success, retire.
There is great wisdom in those words, though how practical they are to apply is another matter.
- I’m feeling guilty, but I’ve no clue why. (xeraphax.wordpress.com)
- Depression series – Empaths and Anxiety or Everything is great! So why do I feel like it’s not? (xeraphax.wordpress.com)
- Depression – You just can’t get over it but you certainly can be over it. (xeraphax.wordpress.com)