I am not an animal, I’m a human being… or am I?

English: The Phoenix Firebird Deutsch: Der Pho...

Over the years, I’ve notice that people, in general, tend to react to me in various ways.

I seem to make many of them uneasy. Some instantly hate me (even if we never spoke) and some just seem to click with me. Not too many seem to be indifference to me.

Someone made a comment to me the other day that I don’t seem human at times.

It was an interesting comment that made me think.

Fact is: I’ve never felt ‘human’. By that, I mean, I’ve never felt I’ve fitted in. Even growing up, I couldn’t connect to others. I didn’t appear to have the same type of filters my peers and family did.

I didn’t have the same interest or awareness that other appeared to have. I spent most of the time in my mind and was often yelled at for being oblivious. (As though yelling was going to change that.)

As I grew older, I tried to fit in, but it just looked awkward and I felt there was always this invisible barrier between me and everyone else. I was always the odd person out and never invited to parties or to hang out with others.

When I did try to make the effort to mix, it just didn’t work.

I could put it down to my family life, which was traumatic, but lots of others had that, too, and they functioned with their peers just fine.

I made friends once I hit 16 years of age and seemed to be accepted more, however I still did not fit in. In fact, it got worse. I was labelled as weird, but at the same time, more and more people were drawn to me.  Some of them were almost obsessed with me.

Throughout it all, I never felt like I belonged. I felt terribly alone, and was always on the lookout for soul family members. That is: people who were not my blood family, but connected to me.

I don’t know how, but I knew they were out there, but how I was to find them eluded me.

When it comes down to it, I don’t think I feel what being human would feel like. I don’t experience lust and addictions, (unless you count chocolate). I have no interest in clubs, pubs, drinking, drugs, gangs, groups, etc. I don’t even see death in the same way others do.  Never have.

I did try. I would go to parties, joined my friends at nightclubs, tried discos (back in the 70s) and even went to a pub or two.

All were torture.

It’s hard for an Empath to describe what it’s like, but imagine yourself in a plastic bubble that is being buffeted by high winds from all direction. Add to that an inflatable hood that’s over your head, and the pressure is pumped up too high.  So you feel blocked off but overwhelmed. You can’t really function and the best you can do is nod and smile when someone tries to talk to you.

That’s how it is for me. It’s doubly worse because I didn’t have any interest in being in those places in the first place, but thought I should try them. I thought, hey, maybe it will be fun. It wasn’t. All I wanted to do was get the hell out at the first opportunity.

I always wondered to myself, do people actually enjoy these things? Are they really having a good time? What draws them back night after night? I didn’t understand back then and I still don’t understand today.

I’m sure I’m not alone here. There are people who class themselves as Otherkin and some who believe they are Starseeds.  And though I’ve never seen myself as those things, I certainly fit most of the signs they mention.

Being human is more than just being in a human body. At least, that’s what I feel.

How many reading this have felt the same way? Please feel free to comment.


Otherkin: Myth or fact?

Chinese Dragon QM-r

In this life’s journey, I’ve come across a lot of people who claim they are not fully human. They are classed as otherkin.

That is: a creature that inhabits a human body.

There are those who claim to be vampires, gargoyles, dragons, phoenixes and god knows what else.

On the surface, it sounds preposterous and really, I have always had a hard time swallowing many of the claims people make.

Still, there are dozens of people who I personally know who makes such claims.

And to be fair, for nigh on 25 years, my guides, and many others claim that I’m a phoenix spirit in a human body.

I go back and forth on this, as you might expect, but those who know me have no doubt as to the truth of it.

That said, some of you might be wondering if I actually believe in dragons, phoenii, unicorns or whatever.

I think the best way I can explain is like this.

The soul is not a representation of the body. I believe that it is the other way around.

The shape, the look, the form and what radiates are reflections of that soul aspect. It is reflecting the energy contained within.

Beings such as dragons, phoenii, or even dogs and cats are just labels. They are names for the manifestation of energy we can see.

For example, a dragon would take on a particular shape that not only defines what it looks like, but also reflects its nature and what it can do.

If it looks menacing and powerful, it’s because it’s a reflection of the soul and energy within.

Of course, I doubt anyone has seen a dragon in the flesh, so to speak, but there are certainly plenty of representations of them about.

Even colours can tell you a lot as they represent various vibrations.

Each colour has its own properties. In general, though, the lighter, clearer and brighter the colour, the higher and more spiritual the soul is.

From my studies, I’ve come to the conclusion that when certain breeds become extinct, it may well be due to the group soul evolving to a new level.

Or maybe it may have manifested itself on another place or time.

One example is birds. Some are said to descended from dinosaurs. The hummingbird, according to some esoteric sources, is said to have once been a Tyrannosaurus Rex. This shows how the spirit has evolved from almost one extreme to another.

I do believe that mythical creatures exist, but they exist as a representation of certain energies. They are just labels that we use to name and identify.

Everything exists on some level.

Our children: Possessions or resources?

Today is a minor rant on how I see too many parents treating their children.

It is said the children are our greatest resources.  There’s certainly a lot of truth to that, and like many resources, children tend to get exploited by their parents or caretakers.

I’ve not had my own flesh and blood baby at this point in my life, (however I did bring up my step daughter from the age of nine for 7 years) so I speak on partial experience and my own philosophy in regards to this subject.

I believe that the child chooses their parents.  The choice is made based on what they want to experience and need to accomplish n this life.

I know that I chose my ones very deliberately in this life. (Though next time I choose to incarnate in this world, someone give me a good swift kick to bring me to my senses!)

What I observe over and over again is that many parents act like they own their children. They feel they have the absolute right to dictate their life.

  • Who they should be.
  • What they should do.
  • Who they should marry.
  • What they may or may not do.
  • If they have children or not.

And so on.

And many of these children are now adults in their 30s!

At what point do we stop using children as possessions and extensions of what we believe our lives should be like?

Personally, I believe that we are caretakers for our children. We do our best to provide a safe environment for them to grow up in, and give them the tools, wisdom, knowledge and experiences so that they can grow up being themselves: Hopefully healthy and well adjusted.

Yes, boundaries should be set and yes, we should be ever vigilant on their activities.

But we should not try to mould them into our image.

In fact, by attempting to do so, you may well end up with someone who is rebellious, neurotic or full of guilt. (Not to mention a high level empath!)

Our children are our greatest resource. Let us be their greatest resource, too.

Should we charge for our services or what is nobody took anything? (part 5)

English: This is a history of minimum wage inc...

Asking for payment for a service is easier said than done.

Now, I admit, I have a really hard time getting out of the mindset that I should not charge and that it is somehow bad to do so, but really, it’s not if I charge or not, it’s the quality of service that I provide.

I’m also a master a fixing computers, but I’ve had the greatest of difficulties charging for that service, too. When I did, I never felt happy doing so. (But always provided a top notch service in a very fast time.)

Also, my wage at work is okay, but really, considering my skills and knowledge and my twenty five years’ experience in a specialized industry, I should be getting twice what I do now.

I suspect my mindset on money has a lot to do with me being underpaid.

Also, If it’s okay for me to get paid a decent wage for doing a good job in a normal job, then the same should follow with other work that is done.

Having said that, I don’t feel it’s okay to be paid for doing a bad job, or pretending to do work and charging for it.

I’d rather say to someone, I can’t do this and give them their money back than potentially give them the wrong information or hurt them by misleading them.

I’ve had many readings over the years, some paid for (in my earlier years) and most offered for free.

The paid ones were never accurate, but I still ended up paying good money for them. I can’t say I ever gave it a second thought afterwards, though. Having said that, I don’t think I would have gone back a second time.

I feel that if you do charge for a service, there must be a code of ethics which is available to your client.

What it is would be up to you, but it should be stated for reassurance to both you and the client.

There is also another factor to be considered here.

One can have the attitude that they should only give but never take. However, if everyone did this, then it would be impossible to give anything because there would be no one there to take what you offer.

It is also very unbalanced.

If all you do is give, and refuse to take, other may well feel awkward and even avoid you because they just don’t feel right about taking themselves.

Also, consider that when you refuse to receive anything in return, you are denying another the chance to give back, and possibly help their own sense of flow and karma.

In the end, it’s all about balance and when things become unbalance, then it can lead to illness and other problems.

Should we charge for our services or make room for my ego. (part 4)

English: Storefront Psychic fortuneteller in D...

Now, the original question I posed in the previous entry was: Does accepting money for using our psychic gifts deplete them?

I was taught that yes, it certainly does, however after many years of observation, I believe that no, it doesn’t.

As mentioned, money is a tool and there is nothing wrong with being paid for a service you provide.

But, you may ask, what about all those stories about people who lose their power once they start charging?

In my own case, in the mid 90s, in my attempt to grow and heal myself, I saw a couple of psychic healers.

At the time, it was $60.00 a session, which was a fair amount for me back then and I saw them at least once a week. (Though one was in 1995 and the other in 1996.)

Both were very impressive when I started going to them, but by the end, they made me feel like I was just a cash cow. (Though the second one I only saw her for three months.)

Nothing really got resolved and their system was set up so that no matter what you did, it could be taken as a negative or a problem to be fixed.

For instance, the first one I saw had this system where at the beginning of each session, I had to pick four cards from the Californian Flower Essence range. She used that as what needed to be done for that session.

However, as I made progress, she did not stop using it, and I realized that no matter what happened, being forced to choose four cards was always going to suggest I had problems that needed to be fixed.

She also become more invalidating and egotistical as the year went on, and in the end, my intuition screamed at me to get out and stop going.

Being an Empath, I found this very hard to do at the time as part of me felt guilty about it, and didn’t want to offend, , but one day she told me that I wasn’t a spiritual person on a spiritual path, and I knew that was my last session. After all, I had pretty much dedicated my life to the pursuit of knowledge and helping everyone I could.

As it was, I had another psychic healer who I was going to see, who happened to be an old family acquaintance who told me she could help me, and so I agreed.

In fact, while I know this lady was very psychic, it turned out that she  was after my powers. She told me I was powerful and and she made several attempts to try and convince me to board with her in her house and become her student.

My intuition also gave a very strong ‘no’ to this, and she became angry and offended.

As negative as those experiences ended being, though, they were critical to my path, and timing was everything  so certainly no regrets.

What it did teach me was that the more success these people seemed to have, the more their ego appeared to take over.

They could admit no wrong. They could not be told that something might not be right. They certainly weren’t happy to listen to anything I might have to say, and both would attempt to invalidate what I was feeling.

I’ve seen plenty of good psychics and healers  who do charge, and they are genuine and while they certainly don’t always get it right, they are sincere, and do provide the information they need to when they need to. (On an interesting note, those people offered their readings to me for free, which was appreciated at the time.)

Being humble (not falsely humble, which is irritating), trying to help and lift others, and not separating yourself out as special and better will prevent losing any gifts and abilities you have.

If you don’t know the answer to a question, then just say so. It might not be what they want to hear, but it will be what they need to hear.

If you were wrong and they tell you, then accept it. You can justify your reading six ways from Sunday, but all that does it hurt your powers and bring such things into disrepute.

There are already too many scammers out there on the market and they already do more harm to our credibility than you can imagine.

Sceptics are having a field day and dismissing us all as frauds, charlatans and self-deluded kooks. And I don’t blame them.

Stay true to yourself. It doesn’t matter if you charge or not. What matter is that you’re honest and you don’t let your ego take over.

Next: What if nobody took anything for anything?

Should we charge for our services or putting puppies in a box. (part 2)

I started this off as a musing on if we should charge for our services, but found it became a little more personal as I explored options.

I offer it here to others who face the same dilemmas and welcome any thoughts and suggestions on this subject. 

I’ve been on the fence about charging for a long time, though.

The following issues are what I am concerned about.

  • What if people don’t get the results they need?
  • What if they don’t feel they’ve got their money’s worth?
  • Is it ethical to ask for anything in exchange? (Especially if you prefer to make everything free.)

The last one is the biggest sticking point for me. Does asking for something in return hurt my credibility?

I’ve come to the conclusion that not doing this is actually more detrimental in that regard. If you provide a free service, then people will treat it as though it is either worthless or they will feel that they can’t take anything without giving something in return.

And the fact is, I’m just as guilty of not wanting to take anything without giving something in exchange. Generally, I tend to over-compensate and give more than I think it is worth.

If I’m ever going to really make a difference, I’m going to have to leave the job that I get paid to do (especially as I know I  am being well underpaid for the skills I have) and focus on helping others.

There are many legitimate reasons to charge for my services.

I am a master with the Bach Flower Remedies. I have made significant discoveries about them, including how to break the seven remedy limit so you can take as many as you wish.

I can help a lot of people. I can cure depression, and I have done so many times for many people.

I have a wealth of knowledge and experience (though I have and will continue to share it freely.)

Interestingly enough, people think nothing of paying $150.00 to see a psychic who will generally give them generic information, and I actually have a real service to provide.

My reservations about charging often come down to my belief that they probably can’t afford to pay in the first place because many people I know seem to be unemployed or are stretched with their incomes. Some people are still in school.

So, of course, I’m going on the assumption that most people can’t afford to pay, but realistically, I don’t believe that’s true.

I think there should be some kind of sliding scale though.

For instance, when I helped out someone who was local, they created a website for me in exchange. I felt this was more than a fair bargain. (And over the years, I gained much socially, too.)

Another used to pay me in peanut brittle!

To my mind, bartering is a reasonable way to exchange services when someone is low on funds.

Another reasonable exchange is information and support.

Interestingly (and frustratingly) enough, people I’ve helped have promised to help me out with something, but they rarely come through for me.

Best not to say you’ll do something for someone unless you intend to actually do it. You do more harm to yourself than good.

A sliding scale works well, especially if someone is a student, pensioner or supporting others.

You can also give the option of donations, though I feel that causes more problems than it solves, especially if someone doesn’t know how much something is worth.

The point is that somehow, we are made to believe that it’s wrong to ask for anything in exchange for providing a service that makes a difference, yet it’s fine to be paid for doing something you don’t even like or enjoy!

We’ve got it turned around the wrong way.

If you are good at something, and you enjoy it, then there needs to be some kind of exchange.

Not doing so will just lead to frustration and psychic burnout, which is what sparked this entire monologue in the first place!

An ex said something to me that her father once told her and it has stuck with me ever since.

Give away puppies for free, and no one will want them.

Put them in a box saying: Puppies – five dollars each! and they’ll sell like hotcakes.

In the end you’ve got to value your own worth, or no one else will.

Next: Money – the love / hate relationship. 

Should we charge for our services or does that devalue them? (part 1)

Example 1. Optical feedback

I started this off as a musing on if we should charge for our services, but found it became a little more personal as I explored options.

I offer it here to others who face the same dilemmas and welcome any thoughts and suggestions on this subject. 

People have strongly suggested that I should start charging for my time and maybe that’s what it will come down to in the end, because what I find is that most either seem to not value what I do, or they will feel that they can’t come back to me because they feel too embarrassed and awkward.

However, I find that this is a controversial subject because, on one hand, there are plenty of scammers out there who are quite happy to fleece people out of their hard-earned cash in exchange for generic information that could apply to anyone and on the other hand, if you do provide a service, some kind of exchange needs to take place.

I’ve been helping people since 1986 and so far, I’ve not charged for my services, help and advice I’ve provided, and normally, I will send people what they need at my own expense. (Generally, those will be Bach Flower Remedies. It’s a shame I don’t get commission for recommending and buying them!)

I find that, in spite of the thousands of bottles of remedies and rescue cream that I’ve sent out since 1995, there is something unsatisfying about it overall. In the end, it leaves you feeling flat.

Over the years, I’ve made the following observations.

Even though people ask for help, they will not actually use what I send them.

They will generally either:

  • Not take the remedies at all.
  • I never actually hear from them again, or get any feedback on if they actually helped or not.Ignore my advice on how they should be taken and only take them once or twice a day. (When in fact, they should be taken at least four times a day when starting out, and every few minutes when things are at a critical point.)

On the last point, I’ve actually had a couple of people tell me that they drank the entire bottle in one go when they reached a crisis point (and also claim it saved their lives!) It’s waste, though, as they are meant to last years.

I even had one person tell me, after I send the remedies, that she didn’t trust anything sent from people she did not know. She could have saved me fifty dollars if she had told me before hand.

When I do get feedback, however, it is mostly positive.

As I’m always learning about what to do, every success and every failure helps me for the next person.

For example, I’ve only recently discovered that the Bach Flower Remedy Mustard is excellent for dealing with negative energy attacks. Some people I’ve helped would have benefited from it if I had known that at the time. However, as it was not sent, they did not get the remedy they needed.

Now, there are a few who do follow my instructions and provide feedback, and generally, it is of a very positive nature. They also keep in contact from time to time, even if it’s just to say hello.

Those people tend to be the most renewing for me, as even their best wishes and friendship goes a long, long way.

I also get the odd person who will write me essay after essay and essentially give me their life’s story. Then they stop, only to return a few months later asking for more help (also in a very long e-mail.)

I find those tend to be the biggest drain on me.

I have come to the point where I feel I can no longer keep up this type of one way energy exchange.

So, I’ve got two options. Either I stop doing this altogether or I start to charge in some way.

Next: Looking at options.