I started this off as a musing on if we should charge for our services, but found it became a little more personal as I explored options.
I offer it here to others who face the same dilemmas and welcome any thoughts and suggestions on this subject.
People have strongly suggested that I should start charging for my time and maybe that’s what it will come down to in the end, because what I find is that most either seem to not value what I do, or they will feel that they can’t come back to me because they feel too embarrassed and awkward.
However, I find that this is a controversial subject because, on one hand, there are plenty of scammers out there who are quite happy to fleece people out of their hard-earned cash in exchange for generic information that could apply to anyone and on the other hand, if you do provide a service, some kind of exchange needs to take place.
I’ve been helping people since 1986 and so far, I’ve not charged for my services, help and advice I’ve provided, and normally, I will send people what they need at my own expense. (Generally, those will be Bach Flower Remedies. It’s a shame I don’t get commission for recommending and buying them!)
I find that, in spite of the thousands of bottles of remedies and rescue cream that I’ve sent out since 1995, there is something unsatisfying about it overall. In the end, it leaves you feeling flat.
Over the years, I’ve made the following observations.
Even though people ask for help, they will not actually use what I send them.
They will generally either:
- Not take the remedies at all.
- I never actually hear from them again, or get any feedback on if they actually helped or not.Ignore my advice on how they should be taken and only take them once or twice a day. (When in fact, they should be taken at least four times a day when starting out, and every few minutes when things are at a critical point.)
On the last point, I’ve actually had a couple of people tell me that they drank the entire bottle in one go when they reached a crisis point (and also claim it saved their lives!) It’s waste, though, as they are meant to last years.
I even had one person tell me, after I send the remedies, that she didn’t trust anything sent from people she did not know. She could have saved me fifty dollars if she had told me before hand.
When I do get feedback, however, it is mostly positive.
As I’m always learning about what to do, every success and every failure helps me for the next person.
For example, I’ve only recently discovered that the Bach Flower Remedy Mustard is excellent for dealing with negative energy attacks. Some people I’ve helped would have benefited from it if I had known that at the time. However, as it was not sent, they did not get the remedy they needed.
Now, there are a few who do follow my instructions and provide feedback, and generally, it is of a very positive nature. They also keep in contact from time to time, even if it’s just to say hello.
Those people tend to be the most renewing for me, as even their best wishes and friendship goes a long, long way.
I also get the odd person who will write me essay after essay and essentially give me their life’s story. Then they stop, only to return a few months later asking for more help (also in a very long e-mail.)
I find those tend to be the biggest drain on me.
I have come to the point where I feel I can no longer keep up this type of one way energy exchange.
So, I’ve got two options. Either I stop doing this altogether or I start to charge in some way.
Next: Looking at options.
I thought I’d continue on with the remedy Elm today.
There are many levels to each remedy, and Elm certainly is no exception.
If anyone has any requests on what remedy can help what, let me know and I’ll feature it sooner than later.
The Symptoms of an Elm type:
- Temporarily loss of confidence in doing a job one is capable of.
- Feels overwhelmed by too many tasks.
- A sense of panic that there is too much to do.
- Self-esteem may be affected.
The Elm type is one who is very capable of doing a job, and doing it well. They have tenacity, endurance, and intelligence.
Sometimes they stress because they suddenly feel they cannot accomplish the task set before them.
This can be due to too much pressure, or exhaustion.
Often an Elm type can be heard to say ‘I don’t know how I’m going to get this done.’, however, they always manage to get it done in the end, and breathe a sigh of relief… until the next time, which is often the next day.
Parents who are trying to look after their children often feel exhausted, and as there is no foreseeable solution (as you can’t exactly shut your children out, nor would you really want to) it’s a daily battle.
Also, there is the carer who looks after their sick relatives, and has no time for their own lives. So much to do, and so little time to get it done in.
Elm can be a great help in these type of circumstances.
This remedy is especially useful when you have too many tasks coming in and too many interruptions.
The empath has another level to consider. That is being overwhelmed by many feelings at the same time. This may happen in crowds or parties or even world events such as elections, disasters or incidences where emotions run high. It’s made even worse when you have several friends who are all going through a bad time.
One of the traits of an empath is that they can’t handle being at parties, in a mall or at a large festival or celebration, such as new year’s eve, where alcohol and energies fly about like there’s no tomorrow.
Elm is the remedy that helps you cope with all waves of things that threaten to overwhelm you. Taking Elm will help you cope with the stress and the feeling of panic and the belief that you can’t cope. It will aid you in calming and centring your emotions and thoughts and get through the busy times where too much is really going on.
I talk about the Bach Flower Remedies a lot. You might call it an obsession, and perhaps you’d be right.
But there is a good reason for that. They do work, and, choosing the right ones can perform what seems like miracles.
Going into details about the remedies, and the knowledge I’ve gained, is something I will be doing over the course of time.
There are thirty eight of them (not including the more famous Rescue Remedy ® and Rescue Cream. ®
I will look at all of them over time, but let’s just quickly discuss they I love them so much.
They are non-toxic.
They are non-addictive.
You cannot overdose or take the wrong ones. You simply will feel no effects if you do not need them.
They heal the cause of the problems, not the symptoms.
They are cruelty free.
Because they are vibrational in nature, they do not interfere with other medications or other forms of treatment. And by vibrational, I mean they heal on a level that is emotional / spiritual… and yes, I know that sounds newagey, airy fairy, castle in the sky stuff, but take me from me, it’s a fact.
They are easy to take.
They are cheap. One bottle can cost around 8 dollars if bought online, and can last for literally years. The use-by date generally is 10 years, though they can last indefinitely if the alcohol preserving them is good quality.
They work either ingested orally or rubbed on pressure points, such as your wrists. (wonderful if you can’t tolerate alcohol.)
The healing they provide is of a permanent nature. Once you are healed, you stay healed, until life and its events distresses you again.
While they are designed to be easy to self-diagnose, the skill lies on knowing what the cause of the problem is. That is not always obvious. Experience and knowing oneself is the key here.
They work on plants, animals and children.
They are a complete healing system.
They can work within moments. The more you take them, the more attuned you become, and the quicker the results.
The only downside is that you cannot mix too many of them together at once. Conventional wisdom says that you should not mix more than seven at a time.
I say that four is optimum, and they should be remedies that complement each other.
The good news is that I discovered that you can break the seven remedy limit if you take them one at a time instead of mixing them. There is no limit to how many you can use them.
Not only can you cure depression, but you can cure other conditions. For instance, I have used them to stop asthma.
The theory is that by treating the cause, you heal the problem.
Dr. Bach said: Treat the patient, not the dis-ease.
Personally, I don’t think I would be able to function without them in my life. They have pulled me from the brink way too often, and I’m sure it would have taken years of intense therapy to otherwise recover.
As I said, I will cover them all, but in the meantime, if anyone has questions, please ask and I will answer them.
- Healing Depression Series: Bach Flower Remedies (BFR) – Are they a placebo? part 1, or wait, this is just alcohol! (xeraphax.wordpress.com)
- Depression series – Empaths and Anxiety or Everything is great! So why do I feel like it’s not? (xeraphax.wordpress.com)
- Depression Series – Anti-depressants or how depressing, they’re screwing me up. (xeraphax.wordpress.com)
Being an Empath is not an easy road. The higher level you are, the more overwhelmed, and challenged you may feel. The below are some tips on what you can do to cope.
Take a shower.
This is a very simple technique, but it can help enormously. Take a shower or a bath. Water helps wash away the psychic pollution that you have accumulated during the day. Stand or lie in it, and imagine light showering you and all the days takings being washed away.
I can’t cope without my nightly shower.
On the subject of baths, it’s really important that you rinse off first before taking a bath. Water is programmable, and is able to take on the vibrations of what is put into it. (Water is amazing stuff!)
If you don’t rinse off first, you will bath in a tub full of the psychic pollution that you are trying to get rid of. So, quickly have a shower, imagine the darkness flowing away, and enjoy your bath. I recommend a packet full of Epson salts and 7 drops of the Lavender essential oil.
Do something physical.
Running, walking, sports, Tai-Chi, yoga,, etc. This can help greatly. Do what makes you feel good. When you feel good, you will be more in your body.
And yes, I know that when you’re tired, it’s hard to get started, and it’s the last thing you want to do. Even a five minute walk will help.
My partner’s dog ensures that I get out a few times a week. 🙂
One of the things I had to do to help gain control over my empathy was to stop feeding my dramas. The Celestine Prophecy, a fictional book by James Redfield, put four main drama’s into a nutshell.
Aloof – Staying distant from others emotionally.
Interrogator – Finding fault with what others say or do.
Intimidator – Aggressive behaviour in order to dominate others
Poor me – Being a victim.
This is done to have energy focused on ourselves, though the results end up being negative rather than positive.
I used to be aloof and then fall into poor me mode. Even though I certainly didn’t enjoy it, and even though they never worked for any length of time, I never saw myself as being in a drama. To my mind, I was the misunderstood soul battling against all odds in a world that didn’t understand, much less care. In truth, no one really notices that much when you are aloof. They just assume that you’re not interested. Poor me / victim people are generally avoided as they can be very draining
The thing with dramas is that they are hard to accept while you are in them. What’s more, even if you know you are in them, you may not care and it just annoys and anger you for someone to point it out. It was not until I made the decision to consciously stop entering into them that things really started to change for me.
One of the keys was being honest with myself. I would often pretend one motivation while really secretly harbouring another. And yes, my reasons were always sound, but they were not the real reasons I would do things. Ultimately, such behaviour ends up being counterproductive and denying your real reasons for doing something, even to yourself, does not make them any less real or valid.
This can be dangerous behaviour for an empath to indulge in because you are unwittingly creating chinks in your boundaries.
Boundaries are the limits you set for yourself. They are very important, especially for an empath, because once you’ve set them, and more importantly, enforce them, then you will start to know where you end and others begin. Limits such as, for example, refusing to be drawn into someone’s drama. Refusing to take on the guilt of someone else. Not getting involved in pointless gossip. Those are just examples. What you choose to define is completely up to you, but whatever you choose, do your best to enforce it.
By setting boundaries, you are also defining yourself, and that is why it’s important to be as honest with yourself as possible. Let all your actions define who you see yourself as, and who you wish to be.
Are they a placebo? Part 1.
What I want to do with this entry is discuss if the Bach Flower Remedies are a placebo or not.
It is reasonable for people to be sceptical about the BFR’s and so they should be. I certainly was. When I first saw them around 1992, the claims they made about healing emotional conditions seemed a little too good to be true.
To my logical mind back then, I just couldn’t see how that was possible.
It is true that many claims are made about products that are false and misleading. There are a lot of scams out there. There are many unscrupulous people who use spiritual mumbo jumbo to sell their goods with the promise of healing on a miraculous level.
They are blatantly misleading and how they are allowed to advertise their products and get away with it is just beyond belief.
They hurt the products that are legitimate. It’s like looking for a diamond in a mountain of glass facsimiles. At first glance, it looks promising until you realize it’s just another fake.
I’ve come across my fair share of such scams, and I’m sure many others have, too.
The Bach Flowers seemed to fall under the same category, so it wasn’t until 1994 when I finally tried them.
A lady, who I was getting therapeutic massages from, explained that they did work. At the time, I was quite drawn to her, and hung on her every word (in fact, this turned out to be a soul call, which is a call for help on a spiritual level) but I didn’t know that back then.
So, I bought a few, tried them, and found that worked so well that it was remarked that I was on happy pills.
What really sold me was that, around that time, I received some really bad news about a business investment I had made. As it involved a partner, it made it worse. I had made this decision right before I started trusting my intuition. (Which advised me against it, but I didn’t know enough at the time to listen.)
Normally, I would have not been able to sleep due to mulling over it and worrying about what I had to do, the reactions, and so on, but I decided to take Star of Bethlehem, which is the remedy for shock and trauma.
I immediately felt a peace settle over me, and the problem didn’t bother me again and it did eventually resolve itself, like most things do.
I started trying them on other people and found that the remedies would have a calming effect, especially on my mother, who could be highly strung.
I found that by putting same Rescue Remedy on her wrist, she calmed right now. My mind told me this shouldn’t be possible, but the results were certainly real.
Next: Are they a placebo – Part 2
Depression can be cured.
Yes, I know that’s a bold statement to make and I also know it will make many people very angry that I even would suggest such a thing.
Actually, that anger has always bemused me. The general reaction is: how dare you suggest such a thing! You have not gone through what I have, and you can’t possibly know what it’s like to have gone through Hell and back.
And they are right. No one knows what it’s like to go through what they have gone through, unless they have gone through the same things themselves.
Empaths will feel it, but it’s not the same thing.
Those suffering from depression will know it on such a level that they resent that anyone might claim they understand and can help.
And really, I can turn it around and claim that those people have no clue what I’ve been though, and I’m pretty sure that I’m in the small minority of people who has had also relentless psychic attacks every day for years. I experienced that when I was young and lived with seemingly no hope or help.
But it’s what makes me, me. It’s what has brought me to this point in my life and qualifies me to talk about many subjects that I have personally experienced.
And while I can’t claim to have been through what everyone else has, and let’s face it, who has? It is a fact that depressions come down to certain types and certain categories.
For instance, traumatic childhood events will produce uncleared trauma, and lead to clinical depression if not dealt with. The cause will differ; the results will certainly be similar, though.
And I can claim to have experienced nearly every type of depression over the years. I can also claim that I was able to cure it and move past it.
When I was a teen, I could never accept that certain conditions were incurable. That nothing could be done to help. I could not accept that there wasn’t a solution, and so I, almost obsessively, researched and tried everything I could get my hands on.
Over the years, I must have tried most therapies at least once, and I came across some which were actually effective.
I also came across many that just didn’t do a thing for me. But I still tried them for long enough to see if they would work.
When I write about something, it’s from my own experience. These are the things that have worked for me, on a constant basis, and could be repeated in other people who were experiencing the same type of problems.
So, yes, there are people who will be incensed at my claims that I can help them.
This blog isn’t for them… at least not yet.
It’s for those who have had enough, and are willing to try things that they might not have looked at before.
Next: Healing Depression Series: Bach Flower Remedies – An Introduction.